A bit of bonus stuff today where I decided to find out some very depressing things about the most popular stories! First, the reviews.
The Rules
1: No AI. If your book cover has AI, if your book text is AI, or if you admit to using AI anywhere in your writing process, you go right on the slop heap. The slop heap is worse than the trash heap, because trash can be entertaining, even good, even if it’s trashy. You’re neither. Get the fuck out of here with that.
You do not get anything for tricking me and slipping AI past the radar. This shit is everywhere. However, AI detectors are laughably unreliable, there is no perfect way to catch it. I’ll be pissed if I find out.
2: I will give your work a fair shot. ALWAYS. This does not mean reading the entire thing, it means at least checking out a few chapters in. Tolstoy was long-winded because he got paid per word, and some of these stories make Tolstoy look like a bathroom advertisement.
3: I will leave a review on your Scribblehub page. It’s very difficult to get reviews for anything, good or bad. Most people don’t want to leave them. Well, I will. I will try to be constructive, too. Be the change you want to see in the world.
How Ratings Work
I will give your story letter grades in the departments. These are subjective, which if you’re new to the concept of artistic appreciation, is true for all works of art. Art is a conversation between the creator and the reader, it requires both, it will always be subjective. They are A through F, with A being good, and F being proFoundly bad. I can give out + or – added to the end but not for F, if you get an F reconsider everything. F’s are usually for a lack of eFFort, or perhaps, lack of skill(F).
Which categories get letter grades varies. Not all stories are the same, some have precious little dialogue and must be coddled and kept warm like a baby bird who drinks drinks with a lot of ice in them. I can’t give out a letter grade for dialogue to a story that has little dialogue.
Not all of these stories are TF stories. Sorry, I know that’s what you’re into but you’re gonna have to meet people who write about things like getting on the bus and don’t even turn into a bug.
Blood Vampire (System Fantasy – LitRPG)
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2631918/blood-vampire-system-fantasy–litrpg
Okay for complete honesty, I’m fairly sure this one does have an AI generated cover. I’m mostly just here to roast it, I do not recommend it. Let’s just get that out front.
I picked this one because I wanted to see what a LitRPG could have in store for me and I was not disappointed. It’s bad, obviously, because it’s zero-effort. This is the opening of the story. He looks out at a desolate landscape and is informed by a status window that his name is Jack Bloodking.
Regrettably, a good first impression. I’m on board. I also really like how his stats have decimals. The extra accuracy will not be relevant but this WILL be on the quiz.
Transmigration – A+
Yeah me too, but the pain isn’t usually sudden hey-oo.
Ruining Everything Immediately – B+
In addition to talking to himself across multiple lines (why is it so many people write across multiple lines!?), he’s also a vampire who is not affected by the sun and is searching for food, water, and shelter. Hey that’s not a vampire that’s a hobo. Why am I following a vampire named Bloodking if he drinks regular-ass water? This sucks already!
Too True! – C
I also prefer this so I can definitely empathize. That said, can you please put even the slightest amount of effort into phrasing things and also not making grammatical mistakes in the story’s summary?
Overall – Trash
Anyway I picked this one to see if LitRPG had anything that might catch my interest and I still don’t know. One can’t judge a genre by its worst members, after all.
By the way this motherfucker had a patreon for this dreck. It seems to have been suspended, though. Pour one out for Miraylea’s literary career.
The Golden Anniversary
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2663879/the-golden-anniversary
Because we see so much filth in this dumpster that I call home (do judge me), I decided I wanted to give a rating to something that wasn’t low-effort bilge from the outset. Then I found this little story.
It’s short, it’s not all that precisely written, and it doesn’t have much to say. It’s just sweet and kind of earnest. Go read it, it will take you two minutes.
Recommend.
Salty Gets Her Hands In The Septic Tank – Episode One of I Hope Just One Oh No
Okay so I wanted to do some FUN STATISTICS and learn a bit more about what is popular on Scribblehub, or as we call it, “The Internet’s Recalamation Site”.
Most Popular Story that’s Not a LitRPG or Isekai
This one’s easy, just sort the stories from pageviews and see how far we get before we find one that’s not an isekai or litrpg. I need to gather more evidence before I write a screed about these (and cultivation stories, you’re on the list too), but I will say that in my career curating stuff that gets caught on the sewer grating, litrpg and isekai are particularly awful.
Result: 7th Place. Immortal Only Accepts Female Disciples
Before you get excited, this story is a cultivation story and the first woman the protagonist recruits, he grooms when she’s underage. Oops!
For those of you who are curious, of the top 20 most popular stories, 4 are not isekai or litrpg. Of those 4, 3 are cultivation stories.
So I guess my advice is, if you want to be popular on this site, write an isekai litrpg with cultivation in it. Or better yet, find your nearest antique shop, buy a typewriter, and then throw it into the ocean.
Most Popular Story Without Any Ratings
Okay this one’s a bit harder to find but with the power of advanced search I perservered. Note that a written review is not the same as a rating, stories can have ratings left (1 to 5 stars) (No you can’t leave a zero-star review) without any written material. I will be both logging 0 reviews and 0 ratings.
Our No Ratings Loser: Hero of Hearts (the Charismatic Charlie Wade) with 28,000 pageviews.
That’s gotta hurt. 28,000 on a 6 chapter story is a pretty heavy density of pageviews and nobody left a single rating.
In the interest of preserving history I won’t leave a rating but I was tempted.
Our No Reviews Loser: Demon Lord’s Succubus with nearly 1 million pageviews.
See what I mean about how nobody leaves written reviews? A million pageviews and nobody could get off their broken rectums to type “Is gud lol” in the reviews section. Embarrassing!
Maybe it’s because the title is bad? Yeah that’s gotta be it. I will note that this is not an isekai or litrpg.
Name That Makes Me Want to Die
This one’s easy, I just scroll down the most-pageviews list until I find a title that makes me want to die. It’s a stupid trend in story naming to write a paragraph as your title, and anyone who does it is just a fad-follower.
Am I in the wrong industry?
Our Winner: A God Killed Me By Accident, But I Reincarnated As The 4th Son Of The Marquis
I raised my standards for this one because a large number of titles were terrible. Like I’d use a pen name to publish under them and lie if you asked me if I wrote it. This one I find offensive just on the level of who fucking cares? It’s like titling something “Reincarnated in another world to face no conflicts”.
Don’t you fuckers write that story, there’s enough room-temperature porridge out there already.
Honorable Mentions (These made me wince)
Living as I please, As a loli Demon King. (Terrible. Douse this one with gasoline so the roots don’t grow).
Rise of the Weakest Summoner (I hate anticipation, I think the title should tell me the story so I never have to worry)
The Knightly Elven… Spider? (Is it a problem? The goal of a title is not to be provocative and get eyes on your work only to *betray* the reader, that’s called clickbait. Fuck you.)
The Hero Became a Succubus, and the Only Way to Level is to… What?! (It’s to fuck. The cover makes this clear and you’re not five years old. I can’t believe I am telling adult literature to grow up.)
I Was A Hero In Another World But My Dog-Girl Slave Swapped Places With Me And Now I Can’t Disobey Her (Bland to the point of becoming interesting again, like a collage of Call of Duty screenshots where you have to try to guess which belongs to Modern Dickfare 7.)
Okay That’s Enough
Well this was a miserable experience wasn’t it?
