Development Update: Censored Version!

Quick Update:

Finished the map glue, fixed some bugs. Urimas made a moth sprite. Stinkehund is making the title screen look better since it has more corgis. Chicken chalked March as literally her most productive ever. Good job, Chicken.

The Important Stuff

Today we are proud to announce the censored version of HoP: Remastered. This will include Classic, Corrupter, Adventure, and Doll Manor modes.

That’s right, to reach a larger audience when the game goes on Steam/GoG/etc. we want to make sure the game can be played by all ages. Naturally, a game with sex, female nipples (thanks, Tumblr) and hand-holding isn’t going to be received well. So we’re going to create a censored version, and the full proper naughty one can be downloaded by interested parties.

As a bit of a teaser, I had local programming victim and pizza fascist MarioneTTe pick a scene to censor, and we’re posting it for you to enjoy. You can click on this link to read it. This is the Mei Alraune Loses to Bee cutscene, except for all ages.

Here’s an excerpt!

A variety of fruits and treats grew in the forest, and Mei had gathered many of them to earn a few coins back at the trading post. She wondered which the bee would enjoy the most, as she had not thought to gather flowers, and quickly decided that one of the two large melons she had found would be the perfect offering.

She pulled her melon sling from her leafy pack, and the bee girl’s attention snapped from her polished lollipop to Mei’s melons even before she had pulled the first melon free from its sling. Her gaze drifted over them with wonder as the first melon popped free, and Mei wondered briefly if the bee girl had ever seen melons before.

With a slight shrug, and a bit of pride at possibly treating the bee girl to her first taste of the forest’s bounty of fruit, she gave the melon to the awe-struck girl. The girl grasped the melon in her hands, her nails biting into the soft flesh of the fruit, and Mei gasped as the bee’s long, almost prehensile tongue began to wash over it.

Now I know what you’re thinking

“Gee Salty, where can I find a loincloth that doesn’t chafe?”

Or, if you’re not a barbarian:

“Haw haw, Salty, it’s April 1st. April Fool’s day. You’re so funny. Get back to work you slovenly simpleton.”

Well it’s time for me to pull the biggest April Fool’s joke of all.

This is not an April Fool’s Joke, we are actually doing this. Seriously.

Except instead of being an all-ages thing, it’s just us deliberately mocking people who clutch pearls at the thought of sex. Every single H-scene will be written to involve lollipops, candy, drinking and enjoying cold milk, and friends getting together to watch silly inoffensive movies. All body parts will be censored in the art in the crudest ways possible, including corgis over female (and male!) nipples, as well as corgis censoring non-sexual things like Florentina’s knees and 55’s boots because girl those just don’t work on you.

All weapons will be dummy/blunt/nerf versions. Attacks will change from bleed to “give rugburn” and “bonk” instead of “pommel bash”. The ghost maids… well they’re still ghost maids since overprotective parents only seem to get upset about sex, not death and nihilism. So the nihilism stays!

As for when we will do this obvious comedy, that’s up for debate. Probably much, much later in the game’s development. But it is definitely on our to-do list. If you thought the above passage was funny, then just you wait.